Suusuuusummertimesadness

Being sick always feels like an attack. It never feels random or chance. My body is sending a message. The message is - “you are sad.”

For about a week now I’ve been ever so elegantly side stepping some feelings in an effort to avoid, as my good friend Sara put it, “being dragged to hell.” Hell being the place where you have to feel things. Isn’t it though? Life has slapped me in the face a few times over the last couple of weeks and I’ve chosen to smile and say “it’s fine. I’m cool. I want to have a hot girl summer!” But who are we kidding? I’m not fine and I’ll leave hell one day, only to be dragged back again and again.

So here I am, sick in bed forced to be let my feelings spoon me. The spring felt really hopeful - I was experiencing a kind of ease I hadn’t in some time. When people asked how I was I’d say…goooooood. But like….I meant it. Crazy. Spring has passed and the summer has settled in with a different tone. Truth be told summer always brings a certain kind of melancholy for me. Dare I say Summertime Sadness…..