the bitter hallway

There is still so much emotion rumbling around inside me. This summer turned me inside out and hung me out to fucking dry. I feel myself leveling out a bit but so much angst and longing persists. And there is a loneliness that doesn’t seem to go away.

I feel like someone showed me into a new room….…. then quickly shuffled me out and locked the door and screamed “NO” in my face. So now I feel like I’m wondering the halls looking for other doors, and standing infront of familiar doors, my hand hovering over the knob. Can one live and feel fulfilled in the hallway? I won’t be in the hallway forever I hope. I just wish I could open the doors myself but it feels like some other force beyond me controls this.

It’s hard to talk about / describe the room …. the one that was opened then closed. I don’t know if I want to. Not yet maybe not like this.